Being Judge-y

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“You know the most about parenting until you become a parent.” – a wise parent

Something that shifted for me when I became a mom is that I stopped judging other moms. In hindsight, who the hell was I to judge on something I had no experience with?! And while I believe parenting Dixon & Dobby, our two lovely fur babes, helped prepare me to be a parent to a human baby, I had no business going there.

My cousin co-slept her first born until he was four. I used to think that was that was “too long.” When Wes was born, we had a night nurse come to help out some weeknights. I missed my baby. During the day, I held him as much as possible and he took almost every nap on me. I wanted to make up for the 12 hours I didn’t see him. My cousin's job required her to go back to work when her son was a mere six weeks old. I can’t even imagine parting with Wes so early. Sitting in Wes’ nursery, un-showered with yesterday’s makeup on, starving, needing to go to the bathroom and still insisting on not budging to keep the cuddle time going, I started to understand why my cousin co-slept as long as she did. Perhaps she wanted the closeness. Perhaps her monitor was unreliable. Perhaps it was just what she chose, and that’s that.

I can’t believe she spent that much on a designer diaper bag. Her kids are so dirty. Can you believe she put her baby in the closet?! She still gives her a bottle at night! She should let her baby cry more. Her schedule is so rigid. They went out on a date without the baby so soon?!

I feel lucky to have found a circle of non-judgmental mom-friends. They have quickly become the most important people in my life. I literally feel safe saying anything to them and I never feel judged. They accept the parenting and life choices I make and vice versa. After all, we’re all just doing what we can to get some sleep, keep our marriage alive, stay in touch with the outside world and… to be our own version of a good mom. 

What judgments are you holding onto that you’re willing to drop? Or have you recently had a shift in your life where you find yourself judging less… more? How do those judgments impact your relationship with others, with yourself and with your baby? Let me know about it in the comments section below!