How We Introduced Our Toddler To Our Newborn
Julian and I were inseparable. He was a mere two years old when James was born and I researched and talked to endless mom friends to figure out how to make the transition smooth for both boys. Here’s what we did that worked well…
We honed in on his love of babies. When Jules was around one, he showed an abundance of love for babies and baby dolls. If he was having a hard time and we mentioned the word “baby,” his attitude turned right around. We knew that we would have another child eventually, so we engaged with and supported his love of babies. On walks, he would take his baby in a miniature stroller and stop to cuddle with it from time to time. He’s always wanted “Mommy to hold the baby,” so when he first started saying that, I quickly acquiesced since mommy holding a real baby was going to happen soon. And sure enough, to this day, he still prefers that I hold James.
By the time I started to show, I told Jules about what was going on in my belly. Given his love of babies, he was so excited to hear that there was one in my belly. He started talking to him, giving him hugs and kisses, and even the occasional nudge when he was feeling rambunctious. I have the warmest memories of Jules talking to my belly while saying sorry and kissing it. I think making a habit of being gentle with James while he was in my belly helped him be more gentle once he was out of my belly… at least for now!
We spoke about James like he was an existing member of the family... who just didn’t sleep in his bedroom yet. Most mornings for the last few months leading up to James’ birth, we visited the nursery and checked to see if “Baby James had arrived.” Jules excitedly peeked into his brother’s crib. “Nope, he’s not there,” he’d say. On occasion, Jules would receive a small toy, book about brothers, or a treat from James. He’d thank him in my belly and give him more kisses.
We thought long and hard about it, and decided against bringing Julian to the hospital. If you’re having a baby and due to COVID-19, will not be able to bring siblings to the hospital, don’t fret. We decided against it, and it worked well for us. The day we came home from the hospital, I nursed James and put him to sleep before we said hello to Jules, and introduced them. That way, my hands were free to greet Jules, and James was fed and rested. Other mom friends mentioned it worked well to have the older sibling meet the newborn for the first time, not in the mother’s hands but in another family member’s or laying in his crib/bassinet. I will never forget the moment Jules peeked into James’ crib and saw his brother for the first time. It was the most magical meeting (and you can read more about it in How Our Second Child Made Our Family Feel In Balance).
Don’t worry if it’s not love at first sight. I believe the conscious steps we took helped, but of course every first meeting may not go as smoothly. We can prepare all we want, but whether they love each other immediately or take a while to warm up, there will eventually be ups and downs. There will be challenges and bumps in the road, amazing highs and mind-numbing lows. My own parents have told me that my big sister loved and adored me instantly, but she and I went through some rough times in our teens, only to be closer now. Through it all, I feel lucky that we have the relationship that we do. We don’t always see eye to eye but we love each other and are there for each other.
Remember, our little people are people. We can’t force them into loving someone but we can help celebrate victories when the bond is growing strong. What ideas do you have to introduce new siblings? Share them in the comments section below!
PS: Jules’ all-time favorite book about bringing home a new sibling is Ruby’s Baby Brother by Katheryn White and Miriam Latimer. It’s adorable and acknowledges the emotions of the older sibling. The transition when Ruby opens up to Leon is just heartwarming… Good luck!